Fast Facts

Be clear and specific about what you need and want, because not everyone will know what to do or what might be useful for you as a caregiver.
It’s important to reframe what “help” might look like given your circumstances.
Articulating that you are struggling or don’t have it all figured out invites friends and family to have greater empathy and encourages them to provide help.
Seeking help from the community is one of the best things you can do for self-care.

Jessica C. Guthrie, M.Ed is a passionate advocate and thought leader in caregiving, with over a decade of experience in the field. As a primary caregiver for her mother with Alzheimer’s disease, she has a deep understanding of the challenges faced by families. Through her platform, Career & Caregiving Collide™, Jessica provides insights on balancing careers with caregiving responsibilities and amplifies diverse caregiving narratives.

Jessica Guthrie

On New Year’s Eve, my mom and I ushered in 2025 by being calm, cozy and together. No frills, no rills, just the two of us, and it was the absolute best.

My mom is living with late-stage Alzheimer’s disease, and now that we are in year ten of this journey, I have learned to truly be grateful for these quiet, celebratory moments. Although she cannot speak to me anymore, it’s clear she feels every bit of my presence and love…and that is the best gift for the new year!

The internet can get overwhelming sometimes with all the advice for how to maximize the new year. You know, the “new year, new you” or “time to reset” or “let’s be better than we were last year” energy.

As a family caregiver, you may not be feeling ready to do all of that yet— you might be exhausted, frustrated, or even entering the year filled with complex grief. It may not be easy to make resolutions while caring for your person, witnessing the evolution of their personality or physical abilities, or while having to balance the responsibilities of working, caring, and managing your own family.

Sometimes we may just be grateful to be entering into a new year.

But I want to talk about how we can help lighten our load in this new year to better care for our own well-being alongside our loved one. In order to do this, 2025 must be the year where we ask for help!

Learning to Ask for Help

I’ve been a caregiver for ten years and counting and I know what you’re thinking:

I’ve asked for help and people have let me down.
There is no one to ask for help; I’m doing this all alone.
I don’t want to burden my friends and family. They all have their own stuff going on.
I don’t want anyone else to help because it’s just easier if I do it anyway.
People just say “let me know what you need” and never follow up!

Any of those sound familiar?

I get it, I’ve been there. There are a number of barriers to truly asking for help and then being open to receiving and accepting the help–whether it’s sheer exhaustion, disappointment from prior experiences, our own egos and need to control things, or just not knowing who to go to for what.

To tackle these barriers, I’ll share with you the top four things I’ve found to be extremely effective for asking and receiving help (even from the family members that I felt somewhat abandoned us after diagnosis):

Define what help means for YOU

Get clear about what you need and want, because not everyone is the same and oftentimes people don’t help because they don’t necessarily know what to do or what might actually be useful for you.

First, break down your daily and weekly tasks into individual things that anyone can do. Then, break down your daily and weekly wellness and self-care desires (yes these are priorities too).

Take both of those lists and turn it into your “help” list–now you’re ready with simple, concrete tasks you actually need and want when people say “let me know if you need anything.” The more specific and time-bound you can be, the better. People are more likely to help when you articulate exactly what someone can do for you and how long it might take.

Help may not always come in the form of respite or someone coming over to watch your person. Help may look like someone going grocery shopping for you, dropping your person off, raking the leaves in your yard, or doing the research of local caregiving resources. It’s important to reframe what “help” might look like given your circumstances.

Ask people with specific skill sets for their assistance

If your sibling has not necessarily been the most helpful, but you know they excel at DIY projects and you have a task that would help lighten your load, ask them to help you with that specific project. If you have friends or people that may not live close by but have the skills and/or capacity to make phone calls, coordinate appointments, or even research from a distance–ask them specifically.

This strategy was really effective for us when my mom started to wobble when walking and we needed railings put up around the house. My uncles were not the kind of people to come and sit with my mom to give me respite, but they were master masonry men who had the skills, tools, and passions for home projects. I made the specific request and they were here the following week to install all the railings (and everything else I threw in the pile from the hardware store).

I recognize that every family is different and I can’t predict all the relationships we are navigating, but I can say that oftentimes families disconnect because they trust that “you got it” or “you have it all figured out.” I’ve learned that actually articulating that you might be struggling or don’t have it all figured out invites them to truly partner with you, or at least have greater empathy to be open to help than they potentially were before.

Believe that you are worthy of support and self- care

This is less of a task to get you more help, and more of a mindset shift. Caregiving was never meant to be done alone or in isolation–care is a community effort. Remember: asking for help isn't a sign of weakness–it's a sign that you're committed to sustainable, quality care for your loved one. You deserve to have support in this journey.

Moreover, asking for help is the ultimate sign of caring deeply for yourself. We don’t often talk about it in this way, but leaning on the community around you and trusting they will show up for you is a form of self-care you are absolutely worthy of. Over the course of my care journey and shifting of my own mindset I remind myself of three things:

Yes, I am strong, but I cannot carry the weight of caregiving alone.
I don’t have to have all the answers and there are people who can do something faster and better than me, there’s no need to struggle.
I know that accepting help from others will only allow me to show up as a better version of myself.

Be proactive with your needs and share with everyone

Even if no one asks, “How can I help you?” be proactive with your needs.

This may mean making a post of your wishlist on social media. This might be telling the church clerk how they could help you. This could also be sending out an email to have a family meeting to say “I don’t know all the things about this disease but I know I can’t continue to do it alone. Here is what I need from you, my family.” This could also be picking up the phone and calling the friend and saying, “Hey this time is really difficult. I could use your help in this way. Would you be willing and able to do x, y, or z?”

I did this in 2022 when my mother’s disease was progressing and I was absolutely blown away by the support and all the people who showed up for us. Many that I least expected. I just had to open up and say the things out loud that I needed. As family caregivers we often expect others to read our minds or to “get it” but I promise speaking up and being proactive literally shifted what support looked like for me and strengthened my understanding of community and care.

I’m just one person and I can only offer my perspective and experience, but I hope this provides a little insight and empowerment to really take control of your caregiving journey so you can operate with more ease, joy, and community in this new year.

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