Fast Facts

Being added to your parents’ HIPAA forms doesn’t allow you to make decisions, but it does allow you to talk directly to their medical providers.
Purchasing long-term care insurance can help you relieve some financial pressure if you decide to take advantage of senior living options later in life.
Ensure that your senior living space will honor “special requests” like vegetarian, Hallal, or Kosher meals or living with a pet before making the move.
Working with a senior care advisor or a Homethrive Care Guide can guide families through the process of finding the best housing option for their needs and budget.

This article was written by Marta Segal Block, based on her personal experience.

The situation is probably familiar to a lot of people. My parents are in their 80s. My father has a neurological condition that causes movement and memory issues. Except for an arthritic knee, my mom is in great health.

My parents lived in the same house for almost 50 years, and my sister and I both lived out of town and were desperate to get them to move. My parents finally moved to a beautiful apartment in a senior living center in the fall of 2023. I learned a lot along the way.

Lessons from the Long-Term Care Move

Patience

My biggest lesson was one I’ve been trying to learn for years: patience. The process of convincing my parents to move began in May of 2021. Despite my father’s declining health, the difficulty of maintaining a large old house, and several close calls with falls, they simply weren’t ready to consider changing their lives and giving up their home. Even after my father had a serious fall and wound up in the hospital and then a rehab facility, they chose to make adaptations such as a stair lift and a home aide, rather than leave.

Making the move from an independent home to a senior living center is a process. While it might have seemed obvious to my sister and me that they needed to move, we had to be patient and honor their process.

HIPAA Is More Important than Power of Attorney

Understanding your loved one’s medical condition is an important part of being able to help them make decisions, especially when it comes to where they should live.

A Medical Power of Attorney (POA) allows you to make medical decisions for your loved one if, and only if, they are unable to make their own decisions. For example, if they are unconscious or declared incompetent.

HIPAA is the privacy policy that all medical offices and hospitals must follow. You probably sign a HIPAA policy without reading it every time you see a new doctor. Being added to your parents’ HIPAA forms doesn’t allow you to make decisions, but it does allow you to talk directly to their medical providers. This includes any physical therapists or occupational therapists. This is essential for understanding their medical condition and the kind of care, and living facility, they may need.

So Much Terminology for Living Options

Before my parents started the process of moving, I had only heard the terms “senior living” and “memory care.” As we started discussing their options, I learned many more terms for senior living and care. Rehab facility, respite care, independent living, personal care, home care, memory care. Gaining an understanding of what each term means is important for helping seniors make decisions.

Financial Planning Saves the Day

My family is incredibly fortunate that my parents retired with good pensions and that early on they were able to purchase excellent long-term care insurance. Having extreme financial worry removed from the equation has made this time of life much easier for them. My parents were lucky that they could afford the apartment they wanted, and I am lucky that I am not trying to help them financially while also putting my children through college. I have learned that the best gift I can give my children is to plan for my retirement and purchase long-term care insurance.

It's Hard to Be a Vegetarian

I’m just going to put this one out there in case any food managers for senior living centers are reading it. One of the benefits of senior living is that food is provided. Senior centers are amazing at accommodating medically necessary diets such as no sugar. But my mother is a vegetarian.

It was very difficult to find a place that offered consistent quality vegetarian meals. Almost every place had a grilled cheese option for lunch, but having that for lunch every day is going to get old. Vegetarianism is becoming more and more popular, and future generations of older people will want vegetarian options. This is an area where senior centers could stand to improve.

In general, if your senior has any “special requests,” whether it’s a vegetarian, Hallal, or Kosher diet, or even something like having a dog live with them, you need to make sure you ask a lot of questions up front and realize that it may take longer to find that perfect placement.

You Are Not Alone

One of the best things we did was begin working with a senior care advisor. Also called a senior living advisor, a senior care consultant, a senior living care professional, or an elder care advisor, this is someone who can guide families through the process of finding the best housing option for their needs and budget, including touring facilities. There are two business models for senior care advisors. In one you pay the advisor directly for their time and advice. The more common model is that the advisor is paid a commission by facilities when they place a client.

Senior care advisors are often connected to an entire network of people who provide care to seniors. Our advisor not only helped us find a rehab facility, respite care, and the apartment where my parents finally moved, but also helped us find a geriatric nurse, who began attending medical appointments with my parents, home health aides, a moving company who specializes in downsizing and moving seniors, and even someone to help look after my parents’ house until they sell it.

This Is Not a One-Step Process

I came to help the weekend my parents moved. I thought the movers would move them and maybe I’d need to run out and buy some lamps or something, but that the process of moving would be done that day. While the move itself was that easy (thanks to the movers), the process of moving was not. Senior living is a different lifestyle than living in your own home. My parents have needed continued support to make the adjustment.

You May Also Grieve

A few weeks before the move I took my daughter to her sophomore year of college. Leaving my parents in their new apartment was harder for me emotionally than leaving my daughter in her dorm. Because it had taken so long to convince my parents to move, and because I knew it was the best and safest option for them, I thought that when they moved, I would feel relieved. I did feel relieved. I also felt incredibly sad.

I was sad about the eventual loss of my childhood home, I was sad about what my parents had to give up, and I was sad about what the move said about the phase of life they are now moving into. Even though you're not the one moving, it’s important to give yourself time and space to handle your emotions.

Although watching your parents get older is difficult, it’s also a privilege and an honor. Being able to help them navigate this transition has taught me so much that I will be able to apply to my own life now and in the future.

For more caregiving assistance, you can find live expert help by reaching out to a Care Guide via message or by scheduling a phone call.